Thank You

     I can't thank you all enough for your emails, text, calls and consistent support! My heart was overjoyed hearing other peoples struggles as well as all the heartfelt encouragement that I received! There is so much I want to share, but my life is very full and I have not been able to blog as much as I would like. My hope is to be more consistent, but no promises! 

    Sometimes in life words can't express the true feelings of my heart. I find myself at times listening to music or watching a movie that I can identify with and then playing it over and over! There is something about a song or movie that pulls at the strings of my heart and makes me feel like someone else has experienced this emotion too!     

    A couple years ago our dear friend had several miscarriages. At that time we were trying to conceive too, but had no idea we too had a disease of the reproductive system. I remember telling Bryan, my heart is breaking for them; I can't ever imagine walking through that kind of pain! I would watch their struggle, but not really understand the depth of their grief. One day she sent me a short video describing the journey they were on; My heart ached with them and it gave me so much more clarity to how infertility and loss has affected them.      

    Little did I know that the same video would be the video I turned on and cried to when I needed to feel understood! On the hard days when I feel stretched thin and I wonder how God is going to work this all out, or the times when months pass and I feel like I'm stuck in the same spot as I was last year! During these times the video is a great support to me. It's amazing how this short video is like sitting down and talking with a friend who has walked the same broken road!     

    Our story might be your first experience of knowing a young couple facing infertility, or perhaps you may know others too. However, I would be willing to bet that we will not be the last couple you meet facing this struggle either. The more I share our story, the more healthy young couples I meet who are trudging through the same waters. I hope as I share openly and honestly it will allow others to continually feel more comfortable about their struggle and educate others about the heart ache of infertility.     

    Below is the link to the video that has been great support to me and aid to those who are trying to understand what infertile couples are feeling. Thanks for taking the time to read our blog and watch the video... it means so much to us:-)
Blessings,
Amber

Ps. For those watching the video it's about 3 min long and can't be watched from a smart phone, but will play smoothly from a computer

www.tearsandhope.com  and click on the video "Empty Arms"

Why the blog

    As many of you know I am a pretty private person and tend to be very honest with those that I trust in my life. So, the idea of me sharing our story is a bit frightening. BUT if our story can help even one person, it would make my vulnerability so worth it. As I have shared with family, friends and clients the pain, confusion and disappointment we have faced over the last 3 years; it has unlocked the heart of their pain and their stories and tears have been in abundance. The reactions of those around me has given me courage to share our story and hope that even in our pain God will use it for the good.
   Our journey together started october 24, 2005. We met and instantly became friends, but I wasn't sure where this would lead. We lived 2 1/2 hours away from each other, so the majority of our dating season was on the phone and driving to see each other every weekend. I had fallen in love with my best friend and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Thirteen  months later on November 12, 2006 we became Mr. and Mrs. Theis. We were so excited to start our life together and began to dream what our life would become.
    Like most married couples one of our biggest dreams was to start a family. We talked at lengths about when would be the right timing to try since I am trying to finish nursing school. It seemed like there was never a perfect time to start trying to build our family. So, after a year of being married we "casually" started the process with the hope that it would happen at the right time. We both come from families where there are 5 kids, so we were completely ready for it to happen quick! Month after month would pass by and we were not pregnant. Bryan and I talked about it and assumed it was because I was about to get accepted into nursing school. After the first year passed and we were not pregnant we decided to start being more proactive in trying to conceive. I bought ovulation kits, took my temperature(helps tell when you are ovulating) and read articles and books on how to conceive. Every pregnancy test I took came back negative. Bryan and I started running out of excuses as to "why" we were not getting pregnant and decided to go see a doctor. After many tests and weeks of waiting for results; we finally got our answer.
     On April 20, 2010 as I was walking into Walmart I got the call from our doctor. She said, " I am sorry to deliver this news, but the tests are abnormal. Your only chance to have a baby will be with IVF." I was in total shock, and ran to my car and started crying. I felt like I had just gotten news that the closest person to me had just died. I sat there and wept , and then attempted to drive home. Bryan met me at the door and all we could do was hold each other. Our appetite was gone, heads pounding and hearts shattered. We knew that this journey was going to be the hardest one we had faced yet.
     As days turned into weeks the pain grew stronger. I was angry, confused, disappointed, devastated and depleted. Every day that I woke up I was in a fog, just trying to get through the day. I felt like no one understood and that I had tapped into a depth of emotions that I had never felt before. I felt like I needed to find an outlet to release all that consumed me. I decided to go outside and run the hardest and fastest I could to release the poison. As I ran, I started crying and talking to God. I told him how unfair I thought this was and how angry I was and how I would not be able to walk through this season with out him. I came home and felt a lot better. This is where my love for running started; praying and running has been what has gotten me through this season so far.
    As months passed and I surveyed my life, it looked dead and dry. I was in a season of grieving and waiting. I was told we were Infertile and 3 nursing applications came back rejected. I needed to do something with my life.. I needed a goal to work towards and that is when I started training to run a marathon. I ran my first marathon December 5th, 2010. It was SO MUCH more then 26.2 miles, it was about not giving up on life. As, I trained I realized we all face devastating times in our life and things that don't work out as we had always dreamed that they would... BUT we gotta keep running and trust that God has a better plan then we can even think or imagine!
     We are still in the very early stages of our journey; still grieving and hoping for a miracle. We will become parents, but it just may not be in our way or timing. I hope you will share in our journey and "walk with us... or run".